Lavender Marriage

Written by Annanya Sharma

When you ask the average person the definition of marriage, they will tell you that it is the union between man and woman. That is what society views marriage as, and this notion is an obstacle to the legalization of gay marriage in the Indian society. Nevertheless, many same sex attracted individuals in queer relationships. They work around this to have successful undercover lives in the closet in order to escape societal shaming and scrutiny. A lavender marriage is a type of marriage where a man and a woman enter into a union to hide their socially stigmatized sexual orientation. This arrangement is considered a marriage of convenience, aimed at concealing the true sexual orientation of one or both partners. The term originated in the early 20th century and gained prominence during a time when same-sex relationships were stigmatized and often illegal.

Lavender marriages were often entered into for various reasons, including societal pressure, maintaining appearances, or hiding one's sexual orientation. In many cases, individuals who were attracted to the same sex felt compelled to enter into heterosexual marriages to conform to societal norms or protect their careers and reputations. As clarified before, these marriages were often characterized by a lack of genuine emotional or romantic connection between the spouses. They were primarily meant to create an illusion of a traditional, heterosexual relationship. Many individuals in lavender marriages maintained same-sex relationships or affairs outside of their marriage.

Lavender marriages are characterized by a superficial facade. On the surface, they appear as conventional marriages between a husband and wife, but behind closed doors, the individuals involved often experience internal turmoil and anguish due to their hidden queer identity. These marriages often entail a significant amount of time spent living in the closet, grappling with the challenges and emotional pain by frequently involving a prolonged period of secrecy, as individuals navigate the difficulties and emotional suffering that come with hiding their authentic sexual orientation. Lavender marriages are not an ideal arrangement for a myriad of reasons. Both partners may feel a deep sense of disconnection and emotional emptiness, as the marriage is based on deception and does not reflect their true sexual orientation or desires. Individuals may experience feelings of guilt, shame, and frustration due to suppressing their true selves and denying their same-sex attractions. This can lead to internal conflict, anxiety, and even depression. Due to unfulfilled needs and desires, individuals in lavender marriages may seek relationships outside the marriage to explore their authentic sexual orientation. This can lead to secrecy, dishonesty, and the potential for infidelity, further complicating the dynamics of the relationship. If the couple has children, the dynamics of a lavender marriage can affect the entire family. The lack of genuine emotional connection between the parents and potential conflicts arising from the marriage's inherent struggles can create an unstable and challenging environment for children. Such a marriage can result in social isolation, as individuals may fear judgment, discrimination, and rejection if their true sexual orientation is discovered.

This leads us to only one conclusion: these problems arise from the inherent challenges of living in a lavender marriage, which is founded on concealment and a lack of alignment between one's true self and the expectations of society and the marital relationship. Therefore, we need to eradicate the conditions that led to the beginning of lavender marriage in the first place. To address these issues, it is important to work towards creating a more inclusive and accepting society, where individuals can freely express their sexual orientation without fear of stigma or discrimination. Efforts should focus on promoting understanding, tolerance, and respect for diverse sexual orientations, fostering an environment where individuals can embrace their true selves and pursue relationships that align with their authentic identity. This involves challenging societal norms and prejudices, advocating for equal rights and legal protections for LGBTQ+ individuals, and providing support systems and resources for those who may be struggling in lavender marriages or similar situations. Education and awareness campaigns can play a crucial role in dismantling stereotypes and promoting acceptance of diverse sexual orientations. By fostering an inclusive society that recognizes and celebrates the rights and identities of LGBTQ+ individuals, we can work towards eradicating the conditions that contribute to the formation of lavender marriages, and instead foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships based on honesty, authenticity, and mutual respect.